Bella's Thoughts
by HDCullen
Summary: Run to Rome, Peru , Egypt, Switzerland! Why? Because Jasper , Alice , and Emmett are picking on Bella in her sleep. Story better than summery. R&R. Please. Funny beyond belief.
1. Jasper Chases

AU: This is my first fan fiction so help me.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything./ These wonderful characters Belong to Stephanie Meyers

Edward's POV

(I really hated letting them spy on Bella but, I wasn't going to leave. They would do more than just see what she said in her sleep if I did.)

Jasper: Hey Bella. It's Jazz.

Bella: Jasper _stop it!_

Jasper: What?!

Bella: Stop fighting with Ulessus S. Grant.

Jasper: Never!

Emmett: Hey Bell. Punch another werewolf?

Bella: Emmett? _Eddie_, Emmett's being a meany.

Emmett: What?!

Bella: Ha ha Emmett Eddie ripped your head off.

Alice: Bella?

Bella: Alice stop making out with Em....

Jasper: What?!

( Alice and Emmett flew. Jasper chased them)

* When they got back*

Me: Guys she was asleep. Having a dream.

Jasper: About me fighting with General Grant. Emmett getting his head ripped off then kissing my Alice.

Me: If you would have let her finish she said " Emmett's teddy bear."


	2. Edward Chases

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

Jasper POV

( His teddy bear. I'm such an idiot. Why did I react like that anyway. Bella was dreaming. But what was I suposed to think. I wonder what else we can get Bella to say.)

Me: Ali , Em let's see what we can get Bells to say.

Alice: Okay but are you going to freak out again.

Emmett: I'm still up for it.

(We ran into Edward's room. Bella was singing " Our Song " by Taylor Swift. She can oviously sing in her sleep.)

Me: Isabella. I'm James here to do what should have been done a long time ago.

Bella: Yeah right I'll kick you a**.

Emmett: Colorful launguage for such a little pestering human.

Bella: Whateva. I can still kick you vampire a**.

Me: We'll see about that.

(I broke a stick in half to make a cracking sound. Emmett shook the bed.)

Bella: Why did you break Alice's face?

( Alice was annoyed she started to sing "Love Story" by Taylor Swift. Bella started shaking.)

Bella: Where'd he go. Why is he gone?

Me: He doesn't want you. He never did.

( Bella started to hyperventalate.)

Emmett: He is back. You better run. Go catch him.

Bella: Jasper come back.

Me: What the f***?!

Bella: You have to go catch Eddie for me. Or Alice?

(We all started laughing)

Edward: If you don't get out now you have thirty millaseconds to run.

( We darted out the door. Edward right behind us. Using colorful launguage. I hope he doesn't kill us.)

Edward: You know I will.

( Why do I have to get bored? Maybe if we go over the Canadian line he will go back to Bella. Let's find out.)


	3. False Annerversery

**( A/N : Disclaimer in chapter one. Thanks everyone for the reviews. Sorry for the wait. I'm in the middle of too many stories. some published some not.?**

Emmett's P.O.V.

( Hmmm..... Cheese. No wait bacon. Pie. Cheesy Bacon Pie! Wait that would be disgusting. I wish I were human.)

Jasper: Em... snap out of it. Bella's still asleep.

Alice: I see Edward didn't rip you to pieces.

Me: I bet I could get Bells to sing "Kiss the Girl" by Ashley Tisdale for me.

Alice: Why.

Me: Cause that would ward off the evil monkeys

Jasper: Emmett. Okay I'm having some good luck today so I'll do along with you plan

( We ran up the stairs.)

Edward: Come in your dead.

( I laughed. I could take him)

Edward: No you couldn't

( Alice opened the door. Was she crazy?)

Edward: She might be.

Alice: I can see you forgot.

Edward: What. What'd I forget.

Alice: Tomorrow is the anniverery of the first time you kissed Bella. She'll be mad at you if she knew you forgot.

Edward: Sh**! I'll be back Alice your in charge of her.

( Edward panicked. He was an idiot. Bella would be pleased if he didn't get her anything. Uhh Bacon... Turkey ...... Grizzly. Yum. Jasper ran over beside her.)

Jasper: Hey Bells. WHat you up to.

( He was talking in a high vioce. Maybe he is high.)

Bella: You sound as dumb as Emmett now. I thought you were the smart one. Maybe that's Em.

( Total Laugh out Loud)

Jasper: You know who's dumb . You.

( He stuck out his tounge. He's acting like me. No fair)

Bella: Well .... I love the Union. Yay General Ulyssus S. Grant.

Me: Bella ... my sweet Isabella. To you I want to whisk away on cloud nine.

( I sound like an idiot. That wasn't even a sentence.)

Bella: Awe Emmett. Rosalie's goin love this. Bacon. Pie. Cheesy Bacon Pie.

Alice: You okay Bells.

Bella: Know what I'm depressed. Jasper killed Edward. Cause Edward killed Emmett.

Me: I'm alive. A ghost back from the dead.

Bella: Run the evil monkeys will get you. Or the magic bunnies.

( I love her. She's an idiot too. My little sis.)

Alice: Who do you think is the hottest guy in the house.

Bella: Jacob duh! You guys are freezing.

Alice: Cutest?

Bella: The wizard

Jasper: Who is the wizard.

Bella: Count dorkula

Me: SO Edward.

Alice: Or Emmettt

Bella: is my soul mate. In.... Arizona.

Jasper: His real name.

Bella: Jasper....

Alice: Excuse me

Bella: No wait Pixie... Jasper will tell Edward. He is jelous easy.

( She is so bashing Edward right now. )

Me: Seth likes you.

Bella: Not agian.

( Then we heard a bang at the door. EDWARD.)

Me: To Peru

( I streamed off. Jasper and Alice right behind me. I was dead)


	4. Barbie Girl

(A/N : Disclaimer in Chapter 1. Wow guys you doubled my reviews with that last chapter. You're all so sweet. I wanna shout a shout out at my top Reviewers: jamstar4eva, at 3 reviews and airacullen , at 2 reviews ; You guys rock! )

**Alice's aka Evil Pixie's P.O.V. **

**( I can't believe we went to Peru. I'm still afraid to get close to Edward. He is a little P'd about the fake anniversary thing. He should remember these things. Maybe he should be punished by us picking on Bella. Perfect plan, Don't you think Edward. Yeah I know your listening.)**

**Edward: Evil little pixie. No not a perfect plan.**

**Emmett: What's not a perfect plan?**

**( Wait is Emmett about to eat a bacon pie. Gross. Even for human's that would be gross.)**

**Jasper: Let me guess. Something to do with Alice. Evil . And either Edward's car or Bella.**

**Emmett: Can't wait to tell Bella that Eddie forgot there anniversary and thought it was today.**

**Edward: What's you price?**

**Me: Free reign on Bella tell she wake's up**

**Edward: But that cold be 12 more hours. She was awake for 3 days.**

**Me: I know.**

**Jasper: That'd be awesome.**

**Emmett: Plus she'll were off all the crazy squirrels **

**( I was about o ask what but then I don't want to know.)**

**Edward: Fine. Pixie. And Pixie helpers.**

**( I swore I was going 400 mile per hour up the stairs. I love'd torturing Bella. More then Emmett. That's saying a lot.)**

**Me: Hey look Bells time for Barbie Bella**

**( She started to sing " Barbie girl " . I couldn't keep from laughing.)**

**Bella: Why are people laughing at me? I'm a superstar!**

**Emmett: Better than Hannah Montana?**

**Jasper: Or The Laheters**

**( Who?)**

**Bella: Who are they? Hannah is well .. You know uhhhh and Jasper stop acting like my grandfather.**

**Jasper: Old enough to be you grandfather. Show some respect.**

**( Bella started sing to the tune of "Barbie Girl".)**

**Bella:**_** He's an old guy. In the wrong world. Made of rock. What a shock.**_

**Emmett: Girl. I know you have to be related to me somehow.**

**Bella: Of coarse you are. You're my Emmett bear.**

**Emmett: Weird but kewl.**

**Me: Maybe Edward has some champion.**

**Bella: Well Emmett's cute but he's as dumb as a stick. Not like my ugly genius.**

**Jasper: What about me?**

**Bella: You're my grandfather.**

**Jasper: Sure and you're the queen of England**

**Bella: Shhhh don't blow my cover**

**Me: Bella?**

**Bella: Yes evil pixie**

**Me: We're going to leave now for a little bit. **

**Bella.: Don't step on the kindly mountain lion.**

**( We all just stared a little incredulously. Bella was a little creepy in her sleep. Maybe if we go to the Nile she'll be back to normal by the time we get back. Why do they call me an Evil Pixie. I turned my head to Emmett to tell him I'm Going to Egypt and guess what I saw ) **

**Me: EMMETT MCCARTY DON"T EAT THAT BACON PIE!!!!**

**Emmett: Awe.. .. .. .. .. .. Mom**


	5. Like big dogs

A/N Kay you guys are getting lazy with the reviews. Just saying. Same top reviewers. Thanks for reading. Disclaimer in Ch 1. Ps Bella's first line is to the tune of " I like Big Butts".

**Edward aka Know-it-all P.O.V.**

**( I am an idiot. Seriously. Why do I have to let Alice get the best of me? **_**Alice- Eddie's an idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Ha Ha ha ha ha. Why do you guys call me an evil pixie? Edward I know you're there.**_** I hate that little pixie.)**

**Me: Cause you act , look , and live like the evil little pixie you are.**

**Alice: Well I still have free reign over Bells. For Ha ha ha the next 11 hours.**

**Emmett: Kewl. Eddie boy goin' watch us make fun of you girlfriend.**

**Jasper: I haven't tried manipulating her emotions while she's sleeping YET!**

**Alice: That will go over well**

**Emmett: Why are we sitting in the living room when we could be up picking on Bells. You call me the idiot.**

**Alice: No that's Edward.**

**Me: I'm going to suffer in silence now**

………………………………**.....................................................................................**

**Bella: I love big dogs and I can not lie. All the other sisters can't deny when a big dog walks in with a hard cored six pack and a sense of humor you get loved.**

**Alice: I can deny. But she's good at making up new words to put in to other's places.**

**Jasper: She says she loves big dogs. Who do you think she talking about.**

**( Speaking of the devil. Perfect timing. Jacob Black.)**

**Jacob: Me. I like that version of the song.**

**Bella: Jake?! NO! I WAS TALKING ABOUT SETH!**

**Me: BELLA**

**Bella: No I'm Alice**

**( Why is her eye twitching. Never seen her like this. It's sexy in a way )**

**Jasper: Alice is there something you would like to tell me?**

**Bella: NO. Unless you wanna know how much I love Seth.**

**Emmett: Please explain every detail.**

**( Emmett is going to die. Emmett is die. Emmett die. Die. Emmett. Okay I'm better.)**

**Bella: Well like first I'm like mad because like oh my watermelon he like kissed Emmett. Now I'm like oh my cheesecake not mad. And like now I told Bella I'm leave that Emo kid for a real man.**

**Jasper: Interesting. Please tell us more **_**ALICE!**_

Bella: Well , I'm like , going to leave on , like a , oh my shopping , weekend , and , like ,never return.

( I'm confused. Is she telling on Alice. Having a dream? Or is she telling on herself.)

Me: Isabella , my sweet , Are you okay?

Bella: I'm Alice! Your precious Bella no longer is here. Jasper bit her. Now she is a newborn off somewhere in New York.

Emmett: New York has a lot of shopping.

Bella : Boo I want to be Bella. I'm Bella now.

Emmett: K clumsy

( Not going to kill him, Not going to ,. Not hurt Bella. Kill Em + Hurt Bella = not going to happen. Maybe the first part someday. _Jasper -__ Bella is scaring me. And Emmett. Even you and Alice. __Emmett - __Wizard Barbie. Cool. I want to play dress up Emmett with Alice __Alice_- __Disturbing vision. Go bye bye bye bye.._ Babies)

Me: Babie doll , love , Do you want Eddie to get rid of the mean people

Bella: Yes and take me to New York.

( Pleasant. Very pleasant.)

ME: OUT ALL THREE OF YOU. JASPER EMMETT MARY ALICE OUT NOW.

Alice: We'll be back. With new torturing ways

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**HDCullen : Review Please. I need the help**

**Edward: NO DON'T SHE'LL KEEP MAKING FUN OF MY BELLA**

**Alice: Do Come on I love ways to be evil. And HD makes it the funniest evil Alice.**

**Emmett: Come on next chapter I might get to defeat the evil apes.**

**Jasper: I am now manipulating you emotion to make you feel guilty for not reviewing**


	6. Emotions and Rome

A/N Disclaimer in chapter one. Now , most have been good with Reviewing. Thanks to all whom Reviewed. And If you don't Review, well Jasper always accepts snacks. ( lol. You know Alice wouldn't let Jasper but , we'll see. Jake might come to visit first.)

**Jasper's P.O.V**

**( Bored. Bored. Bored. Stupid Edward. Stupid sleep-talker. Stupid…..)**

**Edward: Heard that!**

**Alice: We still got 10 more hours.**

**Me: Edward can you get a hold of your self can't take so much fear.**

**( He would pay. Bella get ready for Emotion central. I ran up the stairs. Emmett was poking Bella with a stick and Alice was waiting on me. Fine ! Stupid Physic. Edward don't you dare tell her I thought that. I sent gullibility to him. Ha!)**

**Edward: Fine Jazz.**

**( I sent a way of lust towards Bella. )**

**Bella: Jasper. Jasper. Come here I need you.**

**( No not in my plan. not in my plan. But it is hitting so hard. Must resist . Can't no longer. Alice grabbed my arm and Glared at me. I sent Bella a wave of guilt.)**

**Bella: I feel really bad. I was the one that set Jasper's guitar on fire. And canceled Alice's credit cards. And I killed the evil aped without Emmett.**

**Emmett: Bella you should have waited for me. **

**Alice: My my babies. I thought it was Edward. You did it while Jake was here didn't you!**

**Me: I knew it was you!**

**( I sent Bells a wave of humiliation and honesty)**

**Bella: I'm so so embarrass. At least I'm not doing anything against my will, Jasper?**

**Me: I'm not doing anything against my will.**

**Edward: SO you go shopping on a whim.**

**Alice: You like going shopping with me! Yay! Now you won't complain.**

**Me: Never talking to you again Bells.**

**Bella: Yay. No more stupid talk.**

**Emmett: Bella es tu' eh crazy?**

**( I think that's Emmett talk for Bella is you uhh crazy. I think.)**

*** **_**to the tune of " If we were a Movie" by Hannah Montana**_

_**Bella: Uh oh here we go again. Talking idiotic. Yeah you Got everybody's emotions. I know how you always seem to go for the bad one instead of love and happiness. Try it and you'll see.**_

**Emmett: Someone just got told by Bells. In her sleep.**

**Edward: She never makes up songs for me.**

**Bella: That's because you perfecta.**

**( Gag. Gag. I feel sick. Ewwwwww. Think my Alice. Alice last night.)**

**Edward: Stop it. Now. Before I kill you. Please!**

**Alice: Mhw ha ha ha . Longer we pick on her the longer she'll sleep.**

**( Why did I marry a evil pixie. I can feel **_**anger , stupidity , annoyance. **_**From Alice and Edward. Uh. I love that pixie.)**

**Bella: General Grant! Go Yankees! North! North! North!**

**Me: What! This again. Uhrg! Please can I kill Bella Eddie!**

**Edward: NO! NO! NO! NO!**

**Me: - pout -**

**( He had to pick her. Why not some other random girl?!)**

**Edward: Shut it!**

**( Oh yeah. She's different. He doesn't know what she's thinking. I wish I was Bells.)**

**Edward: That's disturbing.**

**( I sent Bella wave of anger. Poor Edward.)**

**Bella: I'm disturbing. Me. I'm not the vampire made to destroy human life.**

**( Ouch. Low blow. Or it would be if he was human.)**

**Edward: Yet!**

**Bella: I won't through a hissy fit and go kill even the bad guy. I'll be stronger. **_**I'll**_** have pride in myself. Plus I won't go fall in love with some plain old human.**

**Edward: Your right . I don't have much pride. But I didn't fall in love with some plain human. I fell in love with a beautiful , special , human!**

**( Grrrr! Don't change her mood Edward. I am stronger.)**

**Bella: Whom was that!**

**( Okay here's your anger Edward!)**

**Edward: Jessica! Hey wait! Jasper!**

**( Uh oh he redirected his anger. To Rome! Good luck stay with me)**

**A/N Thanks for Reading. What your not going to review!? JASPER! Now you review. False alarm Jazz.**

**Jasper: Darn it!**

**Alice: Come here Jazzy.**

**Edward: Okay EW! Now press this button and review. Please for me!**


	7. Poop Crap and Dissing

**Disclaimer in chapter ONE!**

**Edward: Ha HD I told you they review for me!**

**HDCullen: Hey they reviewed the story!**

**Jasper: She right dude. And cause I went to Rome.**

**HDCullen: Conceited!**

**Bella: Come on this is embarrassing**

**HDCullen: MWH HA HA Jazzie Bear make her go back to sleep.**

**___________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Alice aka Pixie's P.O.V.

( Ha! Edward! Ha-ha! - cabbage patch - Now we have 13 hours. I told you longer we pick on her , the longer she'll sleep!)

Edward: Evil Pixie come get your husband. He's making Bella into a bipolar.

( HA! I love that man!) { I ran up the stairs}

Jasper: She shouldn't called me an old slave herder.

Emmett: Slavery really isn't right.

Jasper: I know I was in the war for the war not the reason!

Me: NO more bipolar Bella or she'll wake up!

{ I ran up the stairs.} ( They beat me. The physic.)

Me: Oh now I see……

Bella: ………Don't make me snap my fingers in a z formation …….

Jasper: ……Head rotation…..

Emmett: ……….Butt circulation…………

Bella: ………eye roll-ation ……………..

Edward: …………….. Elbow , Elbow ; Wrist , Wrist………

All Four: Oh My Gosh , You just got dissed!

( Oh no they didn't)

Edward: Oh yes we did!

( Stupid mind reader. Now they're all crazy.)

Bella: Yes I think Edward is very……..

Edward: What!? Edward is very what?

Bella: look Easter bunny!

Emmett: Where! Where!?

Bella: My chocolate cereal !

Jasper: What? You okay Bella's?

Bella: You stole my strawberry bear!

Jasper: You burnt my guitar !

( Not this again! Ugghh! She really has a strawberry bear?)

Bella: Yellow pony! PUDDING!

Edward: Love?

Bella: Who's there ? The Evil Pixie or no it's ….its……… the pirate! No parrot. Carrot!

Jasper: Awe irony!

Bella: It does not taste like metal!

( Gosh! She's an idiot. No offence Edward.)

Bella: I love a shark!

Edward: Uh Bella . A shark would eat you and cherish the taste.

Bella: So would you!

Edward: Would Not

Bella: too

Edward: not

Me: Enough for Pete's sake.

Bella: Who is Pete? Where's my Sethie-poo!

( What! Bella love's Seth. Okay good thing I'm recording this!)

Me: What is your Sethie-poo?

Bella: My teddy bear. I left him at Charlie's. He scares away the monster's

Jasper: That's why we're here!

( Okay my husband has officially lost it!)

Edward: Yes she has.

Me: Hey! He's not a she!

( Stupid Edward)

Bella: and the Thumb married the Pinkie . The End

Edward: What!? This stories bearly gotten started.

Me: She was joking or having a dream!

( Ha. He. He. He thought I wouldn't use those thirteen hours but I will)

Bella: Poop! POOP! CRAP! Oops I mean Crud! .. Ha … ha .. . Poop… Crap!

Emmett: Ha. Ha . Ha. Ha. Ha . Ha.

Jasper: Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha! TOO MUCH JOY AND HAPPINESS.

{ Jasper ran out of the room. I left too.} ( Ha Edward I'll leave you to deal with Emmett.)

Edward: NOOOOOO! Don't leave me with it.

Emmett: HEY!

**A/N Seriously this is bearly the beginning!**

**Jasper: HD I'm thirsty!**

**Edward: Review please. I don't think HD will let him have you if you review.**

**HDCullen: I am no longer using fear.**

**Alice: Then what are you going to use .huh?**

**HDCullen: My stories and my hilarity and a little bit of Edward.**

**Edward: They'll review. Reader's please be reviewer's too. For me and her story.**

**Jasper: and for me**

**Emmett: And Me!**

**Jake: And me please please please**

**HDCullen: No Jake. I don't like you. Go jump off a cliff.**

**Edward: Not Funny!**

**Bella: Zeep zop zoop ming nong shoe!**


	8. WAZ DA CRAP?

**Disclaimer in chapter one**

**HDCullen: So Eddie they reviewed for the Pinkie and the Thumb**

**Jasper: Not for mee! Whhaaa!**

**Edward: I'm depressed!**

**Emmett: Not me! I get tell the story this TIME!**

Emmett's P.O.V:

( I'm not that bad really. What was Bella doing she was sucking her thumb. Poor Pinkie they just got married! Okay must bother Bella.) { I poked her and she laughed}

Bella: Ahhhh! DE DEMON poked ME!

Alice: Sorry to come in late but I had to get Jazz.

Bella: No he'll eat my Popsicle!

Jasper: No I won't _- looks side to side -_

Me: Dude what's that in your hand!

Bella: MY LOLLIPOP!NOOOO!

Alice: Jazz you can't eat that!!! I am the only sensible one!

Edward: I resent that! Now what did the bad boy do!

Bella: Bad Boy? I don't know any bad boys!

( Does she always diss him like this?)

Edward: NO! I hate you!

Bella: Well I hate the Piano!

( She thought he was talking about her. Just great!)

Edward: Not great!

Bella: Yes the unicorn is grape!

Jasper: How …. You…. Unicorn….. !

Alice: Let it go!

Bella: Fine the hula-hoop is cherry!

( No sense at all!)

Me: HELP! The demon kitties are attacking me!

Bella: I'll get the wizard! Jasper make the kitties nice!

Jasper: Okay all nice now!

Bella: Thank you Jaspar!

Jasper: My name is not Jaspar!

Bella: too

Jasper: not

[They kept on fighting like that for hours!]

( I am bored out of my mind. Alice save the day!)

Alice: So have you told Eddie here the secret Bella?

( Bella keep a secret from Edward , no way. But people are more honest in their sleep)

Bella: NO!

Alice: What's the secret again?

Bella: Seth imprinted on me , duh stupid egg!

( Egg? Not going to ask!)

Edward: WHAT! NO! NOT HAPPENING!

Jacob: You said you wouldn't tell!

( How long has the dog been there? I'm going crazy.)

Bella: Not my fault the fairy did hip hop during the baseball game.

( WAZ DA CRAP!?)

Jacob: Sizzle is the your fault dorf did the disco during basket ball practice

( WAZ DA CRAP!?)

Bella: Ding Dong iz your shizzle for the witch doing sprinkler during football scrimmage

( WAZ DA CRAP!?)

Jasper: Both ya'll's fault for da donkey doing the waltz during the hockey tournament

( Not Jasper tooo! Once again WAZ DA CRAP!?)

Edward: For pizzle!

Bella: SO not cool Edward!

Jake: Like totally!

Jasper: Reallio dude!

Bella: So not awesomeness Jazz!

Jake: I know dog!

Bella: Your da dog dude!

( Okay even for me that's weird but Jake just got burned)

Me: Yo cents ya ain't got duds at be da dude so take that chicken and burn it!

Bella: Now Emmett's got IT!

Alice: Like yah, ya need to rizzle that roll and shake that fake ye Barbie dolls!

Bella: Rockin Alice!

Jake: Ya feel me fools yizzle that shizzle to make it fizzle and throw in kaz!

( Didn't make sense. Non of this does! I'm awesomeness though so I'll roll)

Me: YO! I'm out of this Popsicle stand!

{ I ran out the room } ( Hey I was already embarrassed enough for eternity I will never live that down! Hey a soccer game is on!)

**HDCullen: Okay thanks. So read, review, recycle!**

**Edward: What were you trying to tell us before the story anyways HD**

**HDCullen: Oh I think you should read my friends BetterThanYou1n2's story**

**Alice: Everyone but Edward you mean**

**HDCullen: Yeah! You won't like it Edward. Bella is a vampire and…**

**BetterThanYou1n2: Don't tell them Jasper and Emmett are still reading it!**

**So like yeah Review her story and she'll and I'll read and Review yours!**

**Jasper: Hey 1n2 that was so awesome the part about….**

**HDCullen: Kay so read and review. Don't worry about hers but I personally think it's better than this!**


	9. Fruit , Popcorn and Jaspar Cullen!

**Disclaimer in Chapter 1 **

**HDCullen: :-c**

**Edward: Why so sad HD?**

**HDCullen: Cause its my unlucky number!**

**Emmett: 9?! I love that number!**

**Jasper: It will be okay.**

**Alice: HURRY UP WITH THE STORY!**

* * *

Jasper's P.O.V:

( I am so afraid! No that's Eddie. I ran upstairs to see Alice scaring Bella to death!)

Me: Ouch ALICE! Eddie here and Bells are feeling too frightened! Its painful you know!

Alice: Sorry!

( I love that woman but she's so forgetful!)

Bella: Yes! I beat Emmet in arm wrestling!

Emmett: Did not!

Bella: Will too!

Emmett: Oh no you de'ent girl!

Bella: Yay! Jasper ate a piece of pizza!

Me: Did not!

Bella: Will too!

Me: You ain't Alice!

Bella: And I'm not a strawberry either but I ain't complaining!

( Strawberry?)

Alice: I want a strawberry!

( Me being the idiot I am got her a strawberry then , she threw on me! Now I smell disgusting!)

Bella: Strawberry , Oh oh oh strawberry , go go go , strawberry

Emmett: EWWWW! Cherries are so much better!

Alice: No Bananas!

Bella: APPLE tater tot! Trot trot trot! Kiwi , hula hoop , dance and scoop!

Emmett: Mango tango spin around I will take you all to town

Alice: Twirl and whirl that watermelon , shell shell shell fell mell

Bella: POPCORN!

Edward: WHAT! I thought you were doing a fruit theme!

Bella: Eddie? YOU ARE A POTTY POOPER!

( I really am the only one whom can stay under control. They even took Alice!)

Bella: Jaspar?

Me: Not answering to that!

Bella: Well then Emo?

Me: ……

Bella: Idiot?

Emmett: What?

Bella: Idiot 2

Me: Yes?

Bella: Why are you so whipped?

Emmett: I was just thinking the same thing.

Alice: Cause I was the one he's afraid of!

Bella: Makes more sense! So , Say , Sue , Sye , Saw!

Me: Okay Bells your scaring me.

Bella: Monkeys are taking over the world! Pharaoh went to the lue to poo!

Emmett: See I'm not the only in who believes it!

Bella: I'm a ballerina queena!

Alice: And I'm the hip-hop pixie. { Sarcasticly}

Bella: Knew it all along!

Me: Okay this is utterly creepy!

Bella: Just like you!

( Okay on my nerves! Kill Eddie later!)

Edward; Why you killin me?

Me: Cause I would be dead if I killed Bells! DUH!

Alice: DUH!

Emmett: DUH!

Bella: HEY! I want to go shopping , too!

Alice: I'll take shopping!

Bella: No! I'm not going shopping with Alice!

Edward: I'll go with you.

Bella: YAY! Eddie's coming too!

Alice: Duh!

Me: I'll take forever of being called Jaspar if you actually go shopping with them!

Emmett: Okay! Eddie boy You are going shopping with them!

Edward: I hate that name!

Me: Only Bells can call me Jaspar!

Bella: Jaspar? Did you get a man-perm or is your hair naturally girly curly.

Emmett: Man Perm!

Edward: HE he he!

Bella: Jaspar I'm goin' to give you a dog and you should name it Jalice

Me: WHY?!

Bella: Cause if you put you and Alice's names together it creates Jalice and it would make you so much cooler!

Me: I'm not goin' to take ya up on that offer!

Bella: Please!

Edward: Come on! Jazzie!

Alice: Yeah I always wanted a puppy!

Bella: Please Jaspar Cullen!

Me: MY NAME IS NOT JASPAR CULLEN! IT'S EITHER JASPER HALE OR JASPER WHITLOCK!

( A little over emotional Jazz. Really! Great! Now Jaspar your talking to yourself. I mean Jasper! Curse you Bella!)

Bella: You know Jaspar , real men don't get affected by emotions.

Me: IT'S NOT MY FAULT! Come on you guys don't make me feel guilty!

Alice: Are you going to stop yelling at a sleeping person?

Me: Sure whatever you say!

Bella: WHIPPED!

Alice: Yes he is.

Emmett: Really dude your more whipped than Eddie here.

Edward: HATE THAT NAME! and dude seriously!

Me: Fine you butt holes!

Bella: Jazz. I to think you were almost becoming my favorite brother , now that Em again!

( Dang! I wanted to be someone's favorite brother! Now I'm just a nobody! I'm supposedly Rose's brother and she likes Edward better! )

Me: Boo on all of you. I'm going to take my Emo little self to my room and forget all you people!

Alice: Over emotional much come on I'll help you settle down.

( We left . I get her now! Edward is stuck with Emmett to himself! And I get Alice! Wait I think she's mad. Emmett I want you now! Ahhhh ! I'm running to Switzerland!)

**

* * *

**

**HDCullen: Okay I know my worst chapter but people Yesterday I was walking backwards. Fell. Bruised my head. Got a concussion and Still have a headache! So review and tell me if you think I have brain trauma that's effected my writing!**

**Edward: You want to go to Carlise?**

**Emmett: Woos!**

**Carlise: I'll take a look at your brain if you want.**

**HDCullen: That's okay I went to the doctor's yesterday.**

**Alice: Okay. And were did Jasper run to cause the Dogs around and I can't see.**

**HDCullen: Scroll up the page it tells you on the very last line!**

_**Phone rings. Jasper on the phone: Read , Review , Recycle people! Love ya'll!**_


	10. Fighting , Cheese, and China

**HDCullen: I will never say that , Edward and you can not make me!**

**Jasper: ( Dazzling) Will you please, HD?**

**HDCullen: ( Dazzled ) Okay, uh, what was I supposed to say again?**

**Emmett: About the thing! Stupid Human!**

**HDCullen: Oh , I do not own Twilight, That is Stephenie Meyers, and I am sorry about not writing for so long but that is not my fault!**

**Jasper: It's okay HD. We understand.**

**Alice: NO WE DO NOT! STOP STEALING MY HUSBAND!**

Edward aka the wanna be Jasper ;-)'s P.O.V :

( Uggh! I hate ALICE! I wish I could strangle her! Stupid not needing to breathe Pixie-like Vampire! Suddenly , she appeared at my door with Jasper in tow. Great!)

Bella: The cheese….SQIRREL! No my buns! Stupid Motorcycle driving dog!

Jasper: Huh? I thought you like Jake.

Bella: I do. I was talking about you.

Emmett: Burn!

Alice: Okay sorry honey but that is priceless!

( Glad my girlfriend amuses them when she's unconscious.)

Bella : Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Especially when I become A vampire. You will die again for being such a stick up Alice's butt!

Jasper: B..b…bella I am not mad. I am not mad. I am not mad. I am furious! Ugh! Comparing me to a dog! SHEESH!

Bella: Jasper , Jasper , Jasper. I'm really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again real soon, okay?

( Okay , Did I mention I love Bella! I mean Beauty , brains , humor , style, awesomeness, and body.. Awe body.)

Emmett: Huh? I don't get it! Some one wake Bella up and ask her what that means!

Alice: You are retarded! Dang , Shut up!

Emmett: Oh Bella isn't real nice to people!

Bella: That's not what it means Em. CHEESE! I am just "Too cool to comprehend"

Jasper: Yeah too constipated over-weight out-of-it loser!

Me: That is so second grade Jasper!

Bella: Jazz , You suck and that's sad!

Emmett: And turkey just got burnt!

Alice: That hurt from over here.

( Awe! She cooks , she cleans , and she even talks trash! Where did I find this goddess? Oh yeah Forks High.)

Emmett: Pineapples , coconuts , big banana!

( Okay Emmett is very random)

Bella: Fee-fye-f foe-fanny you ain't got no big bannany!

Jasper: You wanna talk about something hurting for over here!

Bella: Jasper, Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

Jasper: For you to go away!

Bella: Jazzie! I .. I .. wahh!

Jasper: Edward you had to pick the numbskull!

Me: You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!

( Why did I just say that? _Why did you just say that? - Alice . Are the voices still talking to you chosen one? - Emmett . JERK! - Jasper _)

Bella: shiny….Shiny….SHINEY ! ! ! SHINEY !!! SHINEY SHINEY SHINEY !

Emmett: NO its glowy! NOT SHINEY!

Bella: Naw huh

Emmett: Yeh huh

Jasper: Ignorance!

Bella: Wazzzz Evaaazzzz!

Jasper: I bite the hand that feeds me.

( Ironic!!)

Bella: I'm so scared! NOT!!Jasper: You should be!

Bella: You need to go to a special vampire rehab!

Jasper: Rehab is for Quitters

Alice: Bella , Bella , Bella , you should know by now that , Change is inevitable except from a vending machines, and Jasper!

Bella: But change just makes cents! And HELP ME ! THE EVIL LEPORED STOLE MY DIME!

( Okay funny and retarded. SO glad I'm the mind reader! Huh? Why is everyone staring at me? I am the only mind reader right. This is in my thought bubble. No they read my thought bubble! Ahhh!)

Bella: Who read Edward's thought bubble!? I know you all did! Bad bad people!

All ( Except Edward ) : Sorry.

Emmett: I'm bored! Bella is boring!

( I moved carefully from out behind Bella and attacked Emmett!)

Bella: No that's the wrong grizzly bear Emmett! He can't give you a good fight worth crap!

Me: Jasper , Emmett come here! Alice watch Bella!

( I dragged them out by their collars. I attacked both of them! Maybe when I win Bella will think , I'm a fighter! HUH! OW! Emmett hurt me! Must attack! I kicked Emmett in the groan and looked over at Jasper! He started to run and I laughed! _To China! TO China! To China! Maybe I'll pick up a snack while I'm there. An animal of course Edward. Don't Chase me please. Emmett is very mad! And you might want to…. - Jasper. _He went out of hearing range. I looked to see I should run from a very angry Emmett and I very large vampire squirrel army!)

**Emmett: You are the nicest author there is HD! You gave me my vampire squirrel army!**

**HDCullen: Nothing to it but to do it.**

**Edward: You are a meany! Why did I have to be attacked!**

**HDCullen: Cause you are a hard head!**

_**Jasper on the phone : I love you guys. Now Why do I have to be the baby whom runs away? Anyway Read , Review , Recycle!**_


	11. Who Spiked the Punch?

**HDCullen: EDWARD CULLEN! STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME SAY THAT!**

**Jasper: Say it, please, H.D.**

**HDCullen: Not going to work this time Jaspar! I love someone else!**

**Edward: HA!**

**Emmett: Me?**

**HDCullen: No!**

**Hallie ( my psycho friend): Don't make me tell them who!**

**HDCullen: Fine… I do not own Twilight. And I never did. There, ya happy!**

**Jasper: NO! YOU HATE ME!**

Emmett aka the Toddler's P.O.V:

( According to Alice we have 8 more hours of fun. Boo! I want more time! I looked over at Bella. She hadn't said anything said anything in an hour! I saw Jasper trying to make her less sleepy, just to were she'd talk again.)

Bella: I have a goose named Bob. He ate my fish. POOR STEVE!

Me: WHERE!? WHERE!? I WANT THE GOOSE!

Jasper: It's a dream not real life idiot!

Bella: I live in a gingerbread house!

Me: Really! Are the gingerbread people mad?

Edward: Not Real EM!

( Awe! He's no fun! Ha I hope he heard that!)

Bella: Flying Monkey! Is what Edward is !

Jasper: Dang! Bella! Why so random and hurtful!? You're my favorite sister!

Edward: Really!

( Poor Eddie! He is getting dissed by his wife.)

Bella: I am currently unavailable right now... Please leave a message after the beep! Ding Dong!

Alice: Who's there?

Bella: Monkey!

Alice: What color?

Bella: Purple!

Alice: What's he doing?

Bella: Fishing with gummy worms!

Alice: What kind of shoes is he wearing?

Bella: Sandals?!

Alice: Are they untied?

Bella: YES! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!

Alice : Then, come on in.

( Weird! Alice, Bella, Monkey? So a purple monkey that's fishing with gummy worms with untied _sandals_ is at the door during the apocalypse. Weirdest sentecnce ever!)

Bella: Wanna hear a clean joke? Edward.

Edward: I take that offensively!

Me: Yeah but, would she be sleeping if it wasn't true?

Edward: Touche'!

( Bad come back. Wait no that wasn't even a come back. Poo on Edward!)

Bella: Edward? In a garden, a boyfriend is like a rose with a lot of thorns. Emmett? In that garden a friend is like a tulip, pretty on the outside but it killing you to keep alive. Alice? In the same garden, a best friend is that annoying weed that keeps coming back.

Jasper: And what am I!?

Bella: The dirt beneath my feet that ruins my shoes!

Edward: That was so a burn!

Jasper: No

Edward: Yes!

Bella: Jasper, let me tell you something about Edward: Debating against him is no fun, say something insulting and he looks at you like a whipped dog.

Me: I'm sure that only works with you.

Bella: NO! -pout-

( Awe my sister, my weird confused sister. Well, she is a fun one. And my favorite!)

Bella: Your Stupid Emmett! And a meany! But, I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

Me: Edward? She cooks, she cleans, and she even talks trash where did you find this goddess!?

( Have I already said that to him before? I don't know. Well, he hates when people repeat themselves!)

Bella: I don't talk trash , Emmett! I burn it! But me being a stupid slow human, I can't burn you!

( She is supposed to be mean to Edward not me! GRRRR!)

Bella: Meow!

Jasper: Bark!

Bella: Oink!

Jasper: Baa?

Bella: Moo!

Jasper: Neawh!

Bella: Grrrr!

Jasper: What the f*** goes grrr!

Bella: Vampires duh!

Jasper: Oh…

( That was weird! My family is messed up )

Bella: Eddie? When Emmett was a baby his mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.

Edward: I agree love.

Jasper: Naw dur!

Alice: Same thing as Jasper!

( MEANIES! Why must they tochure me so!)

Bella: Edward, The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them be good at taking orders. Now do what I say!

Me: Now that's the little sister I know!

Edward: I like you better awake!

Me: Well if you gave her a reason to be awake then maybe she would stay up.

( Ha Eddie boy! Neaner neaner boo boo! BleH! )

Bella: I'm Iz Swan on the retail line , oh, boy, you know I'm looking fine!

Emmett: Eh, girl, It's da Em Mc with da mic , even gotta ask who gave your punch a spike.

Jasper: Yo mother suckers, Jazz Lock's here, now bow down, in fear!

Bella: Da Iz is back, you're laying rythmes like mother goose, lamer than dose child songs, but, I, I get down, down like Shack , and dats a fact!

Alice: Iz Swan Wins!

( Way to ruin the fun Alice! Sheesh! WOW! Edward's face is red. Is that even possible. I think he's a tiny bit mad about our rap. Oh yeah , I gave her punch a spike. HEHE ! Uh , oh! Don't hurt me Eddie!)

( As I was running out I think I heard…. " Where's he going, I wasn't going to hurt him?" and " Tennessee, he is going to visit the mountains. He's screaming 'Voices Man wants to get me' in my vision." Naw that's probably my imagination. Keep running. To Tennessee!)

**HDCullen: So what you think? Sorry about not updating sooner.**

**Jasper: I forgive you, only because I wasn't the pansy in this chapter.**

**Edward: SO whom is it that you like.**

**Hallie: He's not in your family. He is this really guy that goes to this fancy academy and is like totally rich and his name is.;**

**HDCullen: Enough Hallie. Okay I have an excuse for being so late . I've been working on new stories and only have half a chapter each.**

**Babysitting Days - Jasper has to babysit Bella for a few days. Bella sees a side of Jasper that nobody else has ever seen. NOT a JxB. Rated T**

**Karaoke Cullen's Style - The Cullen sing Karaoke. Can the boys embarrass themselves more. Whats with overprotective Jacob. Set after BD! Rated T**

**A Baby - Jasper and Bella have a baby. Carlisle has been hiding something from his kids. Rated T. But J&B didn't cheat on E&A. ExB JxA**

**Please Vote on which one you think is the best idea through reviews. I would love that! Thanks!**


	12. Sleepy Jake and Exoskin

**Hallie: Say it!**

**HDCullen: NEVER!**

**Emmett: Hallie , get her to say it please.**

**Hallie: I'll slap you silly if you don't say it!**

**HDCullen: Fine : IT!**

**Jasper: Now what we meant!**

**HDCullen: I do not own Twilight as of this moment but I'm working on it!**

**Edward: Close enough! She never will.**

* * *

Alice aka Pixie with OCSD( over compulsive shopping disorder)'s POV.:

( I'm bored! Bella is getting boring. No Eddie we're still using that time.)

Bella: I have four friends. I used to have more but they disappeared.

Jasper: What are your friends names?

Bella: Edwierd Masen , Jaspar Whitlock , Emmadd McCarty , and Alpiss Brandon.

( She did not just call me Alpiss! She's so dead!)

Emmett: They probally got eaten!

Bella: Then why didn't they eat me.

Me: Cause you smell like werewolf!

Bella: Do not , I'm insulted

Jasper: Where were you when you friends disappeared?

Bella: Hanging out in La Push with Seth. Oh , I get it , not really.

Edward: That's okay love.

Bella: I am not a dove!

( Okay random. Wait why did the future just go black. I took a small sniff. It was the dog, I mean Jacob. GRR! LEAVE ME ALONE!)

Edward : Hello mutt!

Bella : I am not a SL** , you prude , rude dude!

Emmett : HA! I'm not the rude , your such a prude.

Bella: YOU CAN'T BREAK MY GLASS , GLASS! YOU CAN'T BREAK MY GLASS , GLASS! SO YOU CAN KISS MY.....uh...but!

Jasper: She was about to say a**

Me: Hehehe! - smiles amused -

Bella : No little fairy , I will not let you have my ...E...E...E...Ed...Educational Television! Take Edward instead!

Edward : Well , I feel loved.

Bella: You should!

( Okay this is just random not as funny as she was a little bit ago.)

Bella: Da bunny jack my car!

Jasper: Umm? Okay?

Bella: No Emmett don't eat the bunny!

Emmett: Fine!

( Whoa! Did he just put down a real rabbit! I'm going crazy!)

Bella: Alice spell Icup?

Me: I don't see you pee.

Bella: BOO! I'm a ghost!

Me: Ahh , I'm scared! Not.

Jasper: Honey you know you could just have a little fun.

Emmett: Yeah!

Bella: This is a hold up. Hands over your you know's or I'll shoot! This water gun is loaded!

Edward: Bella , we aren't afraid of water.

Jasper: Your no fun! You and Alice should go off and have a boring parade!

( Oh no ! He never talks to me like that!)

Me: Excuse me! What was that!

Jasper: You are boring!

( Okay maybe he is a little closer to Bella than I thought.)

Bella: Lemurs are my best friends!

Me: Why! I thought I was!

Bella: Cause you think I'm boring!

( I thought it was Edward that could read minds?)

Bella: You don't know much about me Alice? Now where'd I put my spoon!

( Okay? Where'd she get the spoon from and why is she rubbing her arm with it?)

Bella: CUT THE PAIN AWAY! NO MY SPOON HAS DISOWNED ME , HE WON'T CUT ME!

Jasper: I like how you think.

( Okay why are Emmett , Jasper , and Bella spooning thiersevles?)

Bella: Cause we can! BURN PIXIE BURN!

Emmett: Ya that right back up!

( Is Bella the only one not in their right minds?)

Bella: Nope! - smiles evilly -

Bella: NOW! All bow down to Princess Edwina of Forks Washington!

Edward: I am not a princess!

Bella: Fine then your an apple! **( A/N: Stick your tongue out and say it and you'll get the insult)**

Jasper: What am I!?

Bella: An Orange!

Jasper: YAY!

( He is Alice hopping! And squealing! NO!)

Emmett: Then what am I!?

Bella: The royal donkey!

Edward: What happened to foods?

Bella: Isn't a donkey food for ya'll! ohh , whited! I HAVE A MONKEYS BUTTOCKS IN MY ROOM!

Me: Real mature talking about the boys that way!

Bella: Who says I was talking about the boys!

Jasper: Burn! GIRL!

( She has polluted my husband. I whipped him and she's the exo-skin patching it up! GRR! Must kill a pillow!)

Bella: Ali , don't hurt Joe just because your husband likes me better!

Jasper: Well , duh , you are the exo-skin!

( How do they know these things?)

Bella: We have are ways.

Emmett: The Internet is very helpful!

( Internet? What could the Internet have anything to do with this?)

Bella: Chapter 12 of Me's Thoughts by the most beautiful person ever!

Emmett: Duh!

Jasper: What he said!

Bella: Light bulb!

Jasper: Lamp!

Emmett: Um..TOAST! I DIDN"T STUDY FOR THIS TEST!

Me: Em , your such a ReRe!

( People are crazy! Huph! At least I have Eddie!)

Bella: MINE!

Edward: DON'T CALL ME THAT AND I AM BELLA'S!

Me: Okay am I on a reality tv show! Okay camera's come on out!

Bella: On TV I must go get my button waxed!

Emmett: And MY SPOON!

Jasper: And my wife!

( Did he just say I was hairy! Is that even possible?)

Bella: I have a Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. ( a fear of long words )

Emmett: And I have a Agrizoophobia! ( a fear of wild animals)

Jasper : I have a Androphobia ( a fear of men ) and a Hemaphobia ( fear of blood )

Jacob?: And I have a Bibliophobia! ( a fear of books ) and a Cynophobia ( a fear of dogs or rabies ) and

Edward: Okay do any of you even know what those are!

Bella: Maybe if you tell us? Hey , it's the funny monkey!

Jacob(again)?: Okay I am going to kill you for caliing me that!

Emmett and Jasper: NO YOU AREN'T!

Jacob: To Black Tickle

* * *

**HDCullen: Thank you! Yeah I know not my best work give me some slack I only got six reviews and that's not too much encouragement you know!**

**Emmett: Who did review any ways?**

**Jasper : Let me see ; nbf4ever , bloddy rose XIII95 , KesCullen , jamstar4eva , sheeiur22 , and simi05.**

**Hallie: That means you people are awesome!**

**HDCullen: Yeah and it means that this chapter was dedicated to you!**

**Alice: I am not like Edward!**

**Edward: I am not like that Pixie!**

**Jacob: Oh and I am sleepy , night , night.**

**HDCullen: Whom knocked him unconscious?**

**Emmett: Me?**

**Hallie: Good Boy!**


	13. The Twist

**HDCullen: Really Edward, Jasper this is getting old, like you!**

**Edward: You still have to say it!**

**Jasper: Legally, I'm only 18! SO HA!**

**HDCullen: "Legally" your over 200 years old! **_**Technically **_**you your 18! That's still 5 years older than me!**

**Emmett: We all know they're old now let's get on with the story!**

**HDCullen: If I owned Twilight Alice would be with Jake, Jasper would be with Bella, Edward would be with Rosalie, and Emmett would be my brother! So did that happen? There's you disclaimer!**

Edward aka Wanna be Jasper _still_'s P.O.V:

(Bella? WHY WON'T YOU WAKE UP! Come on! Please wake up! I'll promise to never leave you again if you do! Why am I mentally talking to her and now myself!)

Bella: YAH **( say it like yeah without the e. { ya . Awe } )**

Alice: Wh-

Bella: YAH

Jasper: Be-

Bella: YAH

Emmett: Are yo-

Bella: YAH

Me: Totally

Bella: I know

Me: Can you believe she actually did that!?

Bella: NO way!

(_Eddie boy's talking like a valley forge girl!- Emmett _I am so going to hurt Emmett! Deep breathes)

Alice: Do you think she's dreaming about a pony?

Me: Okay how do you get more random then that!

Bella: I flying purple giraffe stole my bra!

Me: I think I spoke to soon.

Bella: De coo-coo bird ate de vampire.

Emmett: WHO DID IT TAKE!?

( Dang he's a nimrod! Since you are just reading this off a screen you most likely can't see me hitting my head on my head board. Okay who was it that thought I should save the head bored for the honey moon!)

Bella: Bella is name my hello!

Emmett: Bells can speak Spanish!

Bella: About talking you are what?

Emmett: See she did it again!

Alice: I can't even figure out what she's saying!

( Are they really that dumb. Yes, yes they are!)

Bella: I have a boyfriend names Bob in Mexico!

Alice: COOL! I BET HE'S A VAMPIRE!

Bella: No he's a wizard you know de one I talk about all de time!

Emmett: The one you think is hott!

Bella: I'm high off de cookie dough!

( Okay…. Backing way slowly. Well mentally at least!)

Bella: I have a headache, I need a Jasperin!

Jasper: NO! I AM ONLY ALICE'S!

Bella: Dat's off me pace online! People have you picture ( said like a four year old )

Alice: He is mine! I will be at my window with a bat waiting for them!

(Okay! She does know these people think were fictional characters. Most of them but some don't cough-HD-cough! _Edwierd you just earned yourself a week without Bella! Once I'm done with this story! - HD_)

Bella: Oh guess what! GUESSWHATGUESSWHATGUESSWHAT!

Jasper: You are not getting any Jasperin!

Me: What is it my Bella?

Bella: OK OK OK OK! I …. forgot! NO WAIT I REMEMBER! I was going to tell you I forgot!

Me: You forgot again!\

Bella: NO! I was going to tell you I forgot!

Emmett: WHAT DID YOU FORGET!

Bella: I forgot I was going to tell you I forgot!

(My Bella has finally got nuts.)

Alice: Guys she is trying to tell you she was going to tell you that she forgot!

(That makes more sense!)

Emmett: What did she forget!

Alice: I see the future not the past so don't ask me!

Jasper: Halo only there to decorate the horns.

( Did Jasper Whitlock just call Alice the devil!? _Yah Edweird! Get with the program! ~HD )_

Bella: SKITTLES! ME SKITTLES! GET YOUR OWN BAG!

Me: We don't eat honey, why would we take your skittles?

Emmett: These things are good for human food!

(He took Bella's skittles! What are we going to do with him!?)

Rosalie!?: What in the world have you people been doing up here!?

Bella: Watching the silly goose!

Rosalie: Oh she's asleep! When did you three join Edward in stalking her?

Bella: It would only be stalking if _you _were watching me sleep, stalker flower!

(Does she want to die!? _Kinda Edward!~ HD _)

Alice: You've got a serious death wish!

Bella: I thought you liked me! Now, Pixie and Flower hate me! Do you , Pain-killer and Teddy-bear, hate me too!

( I gave them the say-you-love-her-or-I'll-kill-you look. They noticed a tear roll down her cheek. I knew Jasper would give in just to make her happy. Poor guy can't stand anyone to be upset.)

Jasper: I the Pain-killer still loves you. You're my favorite sister!

Rosalie: HEY! WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE HER BETTER!

Emmett: You my favorite sister too!

Alice: AND SHE WONDERS WHY WE GET MAD AT HER!

(Ha I picked the best girl! I'm awesome! NO! I'M not conceded! Yeah I'm talking to you. The one on that machine! Reading this right now!)

Bella: I can do the broom dance broom dance broom dance now can you!

Emmett: What!?

Bella: NOTHING! Now just sign this contract and I'll get the divorce papers to you in a week.

( WHAT!? Okay that's plain weird where'd she get that contract from. Why are Emmett and Jasper actually signing it!?)

Bella: AH! IT De Prosecutes, de flower and de pixie!

Rosalie: Well, I odd-a…

Bella :Are you going to sing the monkey song!

Alice: How does the monkey song go?

Emmett: Le gasp! You don't know the monkey song

Jasper: What is wrong with you my wife!?

Bella: It goes like this : I am a monkey. I throw poop. NOW give me a banana!

Me: Love, that was the most idiotic thing I've ever heard!

( Crap I need to start think before I talk!)

Bella: We'll see who's idiotic when I can smash your face in!

Me: Who's going to change you!?

Bella: MY BOYFRIEND FELIX FROM VOTTERRIERA !

Alice: Didn't see that coming.

(Please be a dream! She wouldn't cheat on me. No she wouldn't!)

Bella: Look it's a blue banana!

Jasper: PONY!

Emmett: NO I won't do that in a closet with Alice!

Alice: Whom do you think you are?!

Bella: I'M Scared of butts and robots!

( Umm… okay…. Not going to laugh at her. Okay I am!)

Bella: You find that funny! Oh my liver spots! You're a robot!

Alice: Oh no! You have liver spots! Not good! Please say they go away after your boyfriend bites you!

Jasper: I am in love with a kitty cat!

Bella: Really me too! Does your kitty have claws!

Jasper: Totally!

(Ugh! I wish I could take Jasperin right now! I mean aspirin!)

Emmett: I want a kitty, too! Not fair! MOMMY!

Me: Esme's not here!

Bella: I want my Doctor Daddy! NOT Fair! You guys get him but me don't!

( She started to tear up. Awe poor Bells. I mean oh no my Bella is in pain! Dramatic enough for you HD!)

Bella: Up and down, afraid of the clown, let's go to town, I'll show you around!

Emmett: What town?

Bella: California!

Rosalie?!: I'm pretty sure that's a state.

Bella: Blondie it's a town if I say it's a town!

(Death wish! My poor little Bella. WHY? _Well if she get's attacked then we'll get Rose off her but you'd have to change her because she'd be pretty beat up ~ Alice_ . Did I ask you?)

Emmett: Rosie, I'm going to get you away from Bella and closer to something non living.

( Thank you Emmett! He saved my Bella!)

Bella: NO! YOU IDIOT YOU RUINED ME PLAN!

Alice: He'll help next time.

Bella: I vould vike to vash the vindows!

Jasper: OMG! SHE ACTUALLY SAID THE!

Me: Impossible!

Bella: See I am smart-icles

Alice: You were until you said that.

Bella: Your just jealous of my smart- awesoty!

(Okay Maybe I didn't pick the brightest one in the bunch.)

Bella: Edward Taco Cullen! Did you just call me dumb!

Me: Since when does the name Anthony translate to Taco!

Bella: Fine then Edward _Burrito_ Cullen!

Alice: Better than taco.

Jasper: No way Tacos are so much better!

Bella: But the best is Nacho! Dat's why me name is Isabella Marie Nacho Swan!

(Once again I am head butting my head board!)

Bella: Nachos are awesome, Tacos are cool, and Burritos are for uncool drool!

Alice: I'm awesome your not!

Jasper: At least I'm hott!

Bella: Oh no your not!

Jasper: Sorry I forgot!

( Okay I'm leaving! Bella is weirding me out! Let them torture Bella! I can't stand this anymore!)

Jasper's P.O.V:

( I saw Alice run after Edward making sure her favorite brother was okay. I felt them go out of hearing range.)

Me: They're gone Bells.

Bella: They'll never say I can't act again!

Me: Tell me again why you decided to let me help with this little plan.

Bella: Simple my brother. See, you are as good as Alice with hiding your thoughts and you would know if I woke up. Edward would be suspicious if Alice didn't mind Jake being here so, you were the perfect person to let in on the plan.

Me: Okay they're about back in hearing range go back to 'sleep'.

**HDCullen: I know this isn't long or even that funny but I felt the need to give you this before I left on vacation. I have a long drive so once I get back I should be able to update this about two chapters and maybe some of my other stories.**

**Jasper: I got in on the plan!**

**HDCullen: SHHH!**

**Alice: What plan?**

**HDCullen: Nothing you will find out but not until a lot later!**

**Jasper: SO there is still going to be more chapters**

**HDCullen: Plenty! And I'm think of a sequel!**

**Rosalie: Okay so… wait that's Jasper's line.**

**Jasper: Thank you so Read Review Recycle!**


	14. Girls, Grills, and Ganstas!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**A/N: Okay I just got a new computer so sadly I am having to write this chapter again!**

Jasper aka Emo (_Emmett off my computer!_)'s POV:

(ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Now Edward knows I can say my ABC's next time won't you think them with me.)

Bella:Purple and Yellow pokadotted cow sang off the boot!

Alice: What kind of boots!?

Bella:.....

Alice: BELLA!

Bella:.......

Emmett: Bells?

Bella:.......

Edward: Love?

Bella:........

Me: Honkey Dorry Donkey Konkey?

Bella: Yes?

( That was weird!)

Me: Happy gold ring party shy?

Bella: Oh they were Uggs!

Edward: What was that?

Me: Bella language.

Edward: Oh okay then.... Yin poor yay poop high luck?

Bella: How dare you call Jasper a duck!?

( Really dude a duck? I am at least a Goose!)

Me:Ding dog bag four yellow pie!

Bella: Yeah Jasper's right you are a big jerk head!

Edward: I know!**( A/N Sound like a popular song to any one?)**

(Dang! He really needs to stop listening to Bella's music! Only I can do that!)

Bella: Right tang root hand? ( Is he for Real?)

Me: Pee On Carl! ( Sadly he is)

Carlisle:Why should she pee on me?

Emmett: I don't know? You might want to run!

(Idiots!)

Bella: Four thousand years ago I was a unicorn.

Me: Three thousand years ago I was baloney!

Emmett: Two thousand years ago I didn't like corn.

Carlisle!!: One thousand years ago I was a pony!

Alice: Right now I am going crazy!

(She really is a bummer of a wife! None of you heard me say that!)

Bella:I shank shinky shook rook book!

Me: Jupiter is stupider than a goat!

Bella: Cranberry muffin?

Emmett: Oh! I thought you meant cheesecake!

( Okay...Emmett has finally gone off the deep end!)

Alice: Guess what!?

Bella: Turkey BUTT!

Emmett: Cluck!

Edward: Chicken?

Alice: No I got new lip gloss!

( Why? Gah! She's obsessed!)

Bella: You know, Alice, If I had a face as ugly as your's I would put make up all over it too. **( Sorry if that insulted any Alice fans I just watched the Sandlot and it gave me the idea. I'm an Alice fan)**

Alice: Well, well, uhh, gosh!

Bella: Wow, you really are a B.A.H. Emmett wins the bet.

Edward: Bah?

Me: Blonde at heart or Bfugly ( Butt efin ugly) air head

( What is with me! Alice is going to kill me for not sticking up for her. But that would hurt Bella's feeling and I can't do that.)

Emmett: I did no such thing!

Bella: Yeah you did right after you were complaining about Rosalie looking like a clown and taking all da boys ta town!

Rose: Okay your dead mister!

Bella: Yeah we all already knew that.

Me: Donkey come home!

( Don't ask, It's something I say.)

Emmett: Bella your dead.

Bella: Really I still feel my heart beating and my head hurting from looking at you.

Alice: Oh no she din'nt

Bella: Oh yes I di'id

Me: I can sing I can dance I can wear funny pants!

Bella: Milk!

Emmett: Pude!

Bella: I am Nonomakesense!

Edward: Nonomakesense who?

Me: You Nonomakesense!

Bella: Jasper you're new name is Pool!

(Why may I ask? She is so weird put that's why she's my sista!)

Me: Pool?

Bella: Pool Milk House to be exact!

Me: Bob Leader Hosing!

Emmett: Ummm….okay!

Bella: If I had a piece of bread for every brain Emmett has I would starve.

(How did she say that so calmly? Gosh!)

Bella: WHY! WHY! DID STEAL MY TWILIGHT BOOKS!

Edward: Cause' I didn't want you to know somethings that happen in New Moon, Eclipse , and aspecially Breaking Dawn.

Me: What happens?

Alice: He asks her to……

( Must be bad! Alice isn't allowed to tell! Did she say 'he'? As in Edward and 'her' as in Bella? That's freaky. Me and Alice should have a book! Why do they get four!)

Rosalie: Bella, I called you boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Bella: Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the heck happened to you?

Rosalie: Mirrors don't talk but lucky for you they don't laugh.

Me: If you didn't have feet you wouldn't wear shoes.....then why do you wear a bra?!

Emmett: Hey, Remember that time I told you I thought you were cool? I LIED!

Alice: Don't let your mind wander. It's way to small to be outside by itself!

Edward: Emmett, oops! Sorry I can't think of an insult stupid enough for you.

( He must be talking about Emmett. Why are me insultingeach other?)

Bella: Jasper, Why are you licking the lemon chipmunks?

Me: Why should I not lick the lemon chipmunks?

Bella: Cause I thought you were straight and those are guys!? Poor Alice you can cry on my shoulder.

Alice: How could you cheat on me!?

Emmett:Not cool dude.

( Okay my turn for an Emotional breakdown.)

HDCullen( I had too): Okay Emmett you were right sh- I mean he is Emo!

Bella: I love COOKIES!

Me: I thought you loved Edward! How could you cheat on him!

Bella: I'm just that good!

( Why did I just get the mental Image of Bella pooping her collar?)

Edward: Jasper? Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it!

Bella: Edward, GET OUT OF MY GIRL'S GRILL!

Rosalie: For Pete's Sakes!

Emmett: Whose Pete! I _can not_ believe you!

( Emmett…crying…like…little…..girl….must…keep….from….laughing…can't tah hahahaha)

Alice: Wow, that's wasn't expected.

Jacob: Physic Phyco Pixie can't see me! Dan na na na na Na nu na na nu Can't see this!

Me: Neither was that.

Alice: Jasper let's leave the dog with them while we run away to …… Jasper ,Georgia

**(A/N Real place been there before and Carlisle , Arkansas!)**

( Yeah I see now why we run away. Even vampires can't stand this amount of crazy!)

**HDCullen: Hey guys! Yeah I had ten chapter on my old computer and now like I forgot all of them and so it will take me a little bit longer. And tell me would you rather have more frequent updates and shorter chapters or less frequent updates and longer chapters.**

**Jasper: Poo! I ran away again!**

**Emmett: Chick chick chicken!**

**Alice: I saw you run a way before us little girl!**

**Edward: Why leave me with the dog!**

**HD: Cause me wanted to!**

**Jasper: Now read, Review, and RECYCLE!**

**Emmett: The Ozone layer is thinning as we speak! And land fills are filling up and have to be spread across more land and we will someday have to mutate into garbage monsters or leave to another planet/ space station if we continue at this rate!**

**Alice: Wow he said something smart that is correct!**

**HD: Sorry to make the end a bummer but really. This is my least fravorite chapter I've mad so feel free to be disappionted!**

**Contest: What: A player Edward and a player Player Bella fic. **

**Why: Because the 1st place winner get's to pick for me to do one chapter any POV from any of my stories for their eyes only! 2nd place gets one line of their choice of them saying it for me to put in Bella's Thoughts and 3rd place gets a personalized letter from mio!**

**Rules: Must be Two thousand words long at least! Must follow the what! Must be rated K to T. Must tell me your entering and enter by August 15 and PM ( or about, if they are putting it up as a story) their entry by August 30.**

**Kay hoped you like this chapter!**


	15. EWWS!

**HDCullen: Make me say it and you die!**

**Emmett: HD? Please.**

**Edward: Please?**

**Jasper: Pretty PLease!**

**Seth: HD?**

**HDCullen: Only for SETH! I do not ownish Twilight!(SM) OR " Thud Story" (Taylor Swift)**

Emmett's P.O.V:

Alice: Bells? Who's hotter Taylor Lautner or Robert Pattinson?

Bella: Taylor! I WANT MY TAYLOR!

Edward: No good Stupid human actor Taylor!

Me: You've got jealousy issues!

Jasper: Your telling me!

Bella: NO! He was telling Edward! Gosh Dumb Dumb!

( That's what he gets! I was telling Edward)

Bella:" What, what, I kit sweaters yo!"

Me: You also bake cookies , you gangsta!

Bella: And I've never really been to a club!

Alice: Okay? That was stupid!

Bella: I know you are but what am I?

Alice: Alice.

Bella: I know you are but what am I?

Me: Bells? SHe really is Alice.

Bella: Darn!

( She is so cool!)

Me: I'm the strongest!

Rosalie: I'm the hottest?

Edward: I'm the fastest?

Bella: I'm the clumsiest!

Alice: I'm the smartest.

Jasper: Yeah but only I can sit in a corner and still make ya'll feel jealous!

Bella: Yeah, your EMO corner.

( He is Emo.)

Jasper: I am reserved! NOT EMO! HOMO!

Bella: It's not nice to call Alice those mean names!

Me: Canolope!

Edward: What?

Bella: Cabage!

Alice: huh?

Jasper: BURNT CABAGE AND ROTTEN CANOLOPE! WHITED!

(Since when is he any fun?)

Bella: Since yesterday!

Alice: Crap! Where's I put my earrings!

Me: Up your butt and around the corner threw your tubes and out your boobs!

(See, I'm funny!)

Edward: No your not!

Bella: What does brown mean?

Me: A color?

( Even I knew that?)

Bella: But why is it important! It's the color of poop!

Jasper: Like your eyes and hair!

Me: HEY! My hair is brown!

Jasper: Exactly!

( Was that an insult?)

Edward: Gah! Your dumb!

Bella: Your mom!

Edward: Your face!

Bella: You solar system!

Edward: Your universe!

Bella: Any thing you say plus one! Burn!

Edward: Crap! I did it again!

Alice: That's what he said. And then some...

Me: DON'T! Ali! I will murder you!

(Does she think I want to know about her sick nights!)

Jasper:Did I say that...

Me: LALALALALALAL CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALALALA!

Edward: You do know that doesn't do anything right?

(DREAM CRUSHER!)

Bella: Edward, will you buy me a motorcycle!

Edward: NO!

Bella: A house?

Edward: Why?

Bella: An island?

Edward: Why? I may take you up on ......

( Ew! No Talky talk about Bells that way!)

Me: I'm getting out of here before this place erupts! TO Wisconsin!

ME: CHEESE!

**HD: YEs it short! Yes I'm ashamed but I felt the duty to update. It's the leats I can do!**

**Seth: It's okay. We understand.**

**HD: YOu shouldn't! I"M a bad person!**

**Edward: No your not!**

**Jasper: Okay before she breaks down, I'm going to tell you to Read, Review, Recycle!**


	16. Her name IS Bella

**HDCullen: SIXTEEN!**

**Jasper: Yeah so.**

**Edward: What's the big deal?**

**HDCullen: My lucky number!**

**Emmett:You're stalling.**

**HD:How'd you know?!**

**Emmett: I know things!**

**HD: Creepy.**

**All three: Say it!**

**Zachy: Please**

**HDCullen: FINE! ME NO NO OWN TWILIGHT! OR 'DON'T TRUST ME'BY 30H!3. SO I'M ****SICK AND I'M GOING TO GO CRY!**

Rosalie's P.O.V:

(Gah! This is idoitic! What did Edward see in this human! All she does is sleep and eat.)

Edward: GRRR!

Me: Grrr

Alice: Roar

Emmett: WrrrGRRVRR!

Jasper: HOAHRRRRRRRR!

Bella: Meow!

(That was random.)

Bella: Edward's takin me da candy store!

(Wow she's a efin wh*re. Sorry Edward.)

Emmett: Does he make you drop. Wanna lick his lollipop.

Me: EMMETTT!

Edward: Weren't you the one that ran away last time because of the vulgarness!

Emmett: Maybe.....

Bella: Baby, I'm Elvis Presly!

Jasper: Hey ya'll. I'm Hannah Montana!

Alice: And I'm the queen of Switzerland!

Bella: Your majesty.

(Wow. If she was awake she looks like she would be bowing.)

Edward:There is no queen of Switzerland.

Bella: Yes there is!

Edward: No, Bella.

Bella: YES!

Edward: Did I yell at you?

Bella: YES!

Edward:Really I did?

Bella: Yeps.

Edward: Okay.....

Bella: Okay!

Edward: Grr.

Bella: Don't growl at me!

Emmett:_'Tongues always press to her teeth whil My tongue is always on the inside of some other girls teeth. T-t-tel your boyfriend if he says he's says he's __got beef. That Edward's a virgin and He's not F***ing scared of him.'_

(Random parody. Or whatever making up some of your own lyrics is called.)

Alice: 108 year old virgin to be correct.

Bella: I like cheese. My email is I love cheese at Milk .com **(A/N Really that's just random.)**

Jasper: I thought it was I hate shopping at My boyfriends a fag .net**(A/N: Once again made up)**

Alice: Hate shopping. -Hyperventalates-

(This is soo boring.)

Bella: Wowz. Rosalie is so like wearing last months top!

Alice: I know!

Jasper: Right!

Rosalie: WRONG!

Bella: I'm a gummi yummi in my tummi yummi gummi square! Square! That is flavored like pear.

Emmett: Like Shoe!

Edward: Shirt!

Jasper: Trousers!

Alice: Skirt

Bella: Undergarments!

Me: As- Not playing your game!

(Gah! Nimrods!)

Bella: Wow. You insult people alot.

Me: Thank you captin Obvious!

Bella: No, my names Bella.

Me: Thank you Sargent Ingnorance!

Bella: NO my Name is BELLA!

Me: Okay General Stupidity!

Bella: NO MY NAME IS BELLA! Dumb-dumb

Emmett: Her name _is _Bella.

(He did not just take her side!)

Edward: Deep breathes Rose.

Me: Do not push me Edwinna!

Bella: Edwinna? The Aphrodite?

Me: Duh

Bella: Duh duh duh duh, Me a retard . Me Rosalie. Duh Duh dur!

Me: I vant to vuck blood.

Bella: You want to do WHAT TO MY BLOOD! I don't roll that way.

Emmett: Sorry Rosie but it did sound like that!

Edward: Yeah.

Edward: Emmett? Why that mental imagn? Not that I wasn't thinking the same thing but.... sheesh.

(With Emmett I don't even want to know!)

Jasper: What? Oh, wow. That's hott.

Edward: EWWWS! Alice is my sister bro! Gah, didn't want that imagn!

(What are they thinking?)

Bella:Wow, boys are gross. Can't live with them. Can't die without them.

Edward: No BELLA!

Bella: PLease!

Edward: NO!

Bella: Grr!

Edward: Don't growl at me!

Bella: Why not?

Edward: Caus'e you're not imtimidating enough to.

Bella: Then change me so I will be imtimidating!

Alice: OKAY!

(Edward just tackled Alice. Wow, never thought I see the day.)

Bella: Poo on you Edwierd.

Edward: What's with you calling me Edweird, Fella?

Bella: See I told you he was gay! No straight man could resist all this.

Edward: WHAT!

Emmett: She's right you know.

(EMMETT! Gah he's hitting on his sister. He want to hit on some one so will I. Smack to his head.)

Emmett: Ouch!

Jasper: OMG! HE JUST SAID OUCH!

Bella: OMC YOU JUST SAID OMG!

Jasper: OMA, I DID!

Bella: OMJ! YOU DID!

Jasper: I'm not your Jasper.

Bella: I meant Oh my Jacob. ;-)

Jacob: You called.

Alice: Some thing ugly.

Bella: OMM!

Mike? (How?): I knew you thought of me as yours!

Jessica? (I know, really, again , HOW?) : He's mine!

( And Edward Leaves to throw them out.)

Bella: I was talking about Oh my milkshakes!

Me: Okay, someone thinks a little too big of theirs.

Alice: At least she has them.

Me: Your one to talk!

Emmett: CAT FIGHT!

Bella: BARK!

(Ummm... Does some need to go back to pre-school?)

Edward: Well, I'd say with you mind you do!

Emmett: Oh really now. She's smarterer than you!

Jasper: You're definately not, no wonder she needs the dog to keeps her busy.

Jacob: ROSALIE YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT ONE NIGHT!

Me: I didn't! You did fag!

Jacob: Oh.... Let me explain.

Emmett: RUN!

(Jake and I were joking but it got him out of my hair, so I'm happy.)

Edward: You are an evil.

Me: An evil? That doesn't make scense?

Edward: I was going to say genius but that didn't really fit, so your just evil.

(RUN! I chased him out into the woods a good three miles away.)

Alice's P.O.V:

( I knew it! Gah why didn't they tell me! Edward would be upset.)

Me: Jasper, Bella, I know what you guys have been doing.

Jasper: Really?

Me: Yes, Bella, Jasper you guys have been-

**_TO BE CONTINUED!_**

**HD: I'm Evil.**

**Alice: Yes you are!**

**Jasper: WHAT DID WE DO!**

**Alice: You-**

**HD: Jasper DO the ending line thingy!**

**Jasper: Read review Recycle.**


	17. The Wizard! Warning: Very Short!

**Me: Okay, I know you all want to shoot me dead because it's been over a month since I updated! I'm so sorry!**

**Edward: What's your lame excuse this time?**

**Me: Actually school has started up and I have soooooo much homework it isn't funny! Plus, some real bad family issues.**

**Jasper: Yeah right.**

**Me: I'm serious! You're such a jerk!**

**Emmett: *Flips me off***

**Me: Any way, I don't own the song that Are sung in here (The Edward Cullen Theme song & Come on Over by Christina Aguelara)**

**nor do I own Twilight or Runescape!**

_When We last left off : _

_Alice's P.O.V:_

_( I knew it! Gah why didn't they tell me! Edward would be upset.)_

_Me: Jasper, Bella, I know what you guys have been doing._

_Jasper: Really?_

_Me: Yes, Bella, Jasper you guys have been-_

Jasper's P.O.V:

Alice: Yes, Bella, Jasper you guys have been eating Edward's skittles!

Bella: I want some skittles!

Me: Alice, we did take his skittles. You want some?

(Whoah! That was close! I surprised she's hasn't figured it out yet! Oh looks like Eddie and Emmy are back.)

Alice: Eddie! Jasper and Bella took your skittles.

Edward: NO! Emmett took my M&M's so now I have nothing!

Emmett: Sorry! Alice told me they were grizzly flavored.

Me: Alice, you do know those things are made of chocolate right?

Alice: No, the fairy lied to me!

Emmett: Then the pixie lied to me!

(Really why do they call her pixie, she's more like a brownie!)

Edward: Emmett? Why the fudge are you singing that song in your head?!

Me: What song?

Emmett: "_Jasper and Emmett are so cool also. When Alice is like Katy Perry Hot n' cold. I don't wanna be me a Rosalie, no cause I have a thing about being around a holes. I'd run and tell Edward to leave Bella please. It obvious she'd rather be with me. And if he says no then I'll have to agree, cause honestly he could beat the crap out of me."_

Bella: Random…. Oooo! Shiny Unicorn!

(Wow, you'd think…. No wait! AHH! _Come on over, come on over , come on over baby…._)

Edward: I don't know what's creepier, you know Christina Aguilera or I do!

Me: You know Alice puts those songs on my ipod!

Bella: Apple!

Edward: Okay….

Me: No say it while holding your tongue!

Edward: Bella! Who teaches you these things!

Bella: The wizard!

(Pshh! 'The wizard' wouldn't teach her those things. The wizard is too busy helping her with her plan and playing in Runescape!)

Alice: I'm bored!

Bella: Your Derob! Ali, stand up side down.

Me: Close on eye.

Edward: Pinch you nose.

Emmett: Spin around.

(Wow, she's actually doing it.)

Bella: Now, whose the clown?

Alice: You…. You…..uh! Biddy!

Bella: Cows are purple!

Emmett: I can make Bella laugh saying one word!

Emmett: Penis!

Bella: YOu harry pickle!

Me: Must not work when she's asleep!

Emmett: I'll show you when she wakes up then!

Edward: No you won't!

Emmett: Or what!

Edward: Or you won't have yours!

Emmett: That's if you can catch me!

Edward: I'm fastest!

Emmmett: So, I'm strongest!

Me:You both idiots!

Bella: That's a bunch od cow pies!

Alice: Really that's bunk!

Both Emmett and Edward: What do you know!

Alice: I know where your wives are and where your diaries are! **(Eddie and Belly aren't married yet they just consider Bella his wife cause they're engaged!)**

Bella: Aren't diaries for girls!

Me: NO!

(I kinda just admitted I have a diary didn't I. Crap!)

Emmett: I already sold it to fan girls. No worries Jazz man!

(He didn't! I put our Address in there!)

*Screams from outside*

Boys: Shoot!

(Now we run for half and hour to get away! Who knew human girls could run that fast!)

**_Me: Sorry it's Short! I'm running out of funny juice!_**

**_Jasper: Fu** you!_**

**_Me: You want to!_**

**_Emmett: Burn!_**

**_Me: Anyway... first person that can guess correctly whose 'the wizard' will be mentioned in the next chapter!_**

**_Edward: Sorry we need to keep running! Bye!_**

**Me: Here's the run out**

**No reviews = you waiting until next month for the next chapter**

**1 review= Two weeks**

**5=One week**

**7= This week**

**10= in 1 day**

**15= Tonight!**


	18. SHoes, Shoes, and more shoes!

**Jasper: I don't see why you keep writing!**

**Emmett:Yeah and why are you giving this to them early!**

**Edward: Did someone put crack in your cookies!**

**Me: 1. I write because I love to. 2.I got three really nice reviews. 3. I don't know you'll have to ask the squirrel.**

**Edward:Squirrel? Anyway Since it an Even Chapter why don't you tell us what chapters are winning**

**Jasper: According to my data : Chapters: 3, 5 12 are in first with 7 Reviews each; Ch. 1,6,7,8,11,13 in 2nd with 6 reviews each ; and Ch. 4, 9, and 16 are in third with 5 reviews each**

**Me: Yeps. I can't seem to get more than 7 reviews for each Chap.**

**Emmett: Maybe people will help you with that this chapter just make it long.**

**Me: Anywho , I don't own anything... But I'm working on Jasper....**

Alice's P.O.V.

Bella: I know Alice's theme song!

Me: I have a theme song?

Bella: Yep, it goes a little like this : Shoes, shoes, shoes. oh my god, shoes, let's get some shoes

Jasper: These shoes rule, these shoes suck, these shoes rule, theses shoes suck, these shoes suck, these shoes suck

Emmett: I think you have too many shoes!

Me: Shut up!

Edward: I think you have too many shoes!

Me: Shut up!

Jasper: I think you have too many shoes!

Me: Shut up! Stupid Boys.

Bella: I didn't knew you knew that song!

(That's actually a song! Mother fit!)

Edward: Oooo, Alice cursed...

Me: Did not!

Edward: Did too!

Bella: Yankee doodle went to town riding on a donkey, he stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni!

Emmett: Did you know 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' and the Alphabet song have the same tune.

Jasper: Let's see, F M G K I H P T 9 11 Q 4 6 D , No it doesn't!

Bella: Z y x w v u t s r q p o n m l k j i h g f e d c b a

Me: I can't even do that!

Emmett: Cause you not fly!

Bella: Be fly don't be hye! Homie GEE!

Edward: Do any of you guys have a song centered around you!? WHAT! So who are you to talk about not being fly.

Bella: Clumsy by Beyonce' is my theme song.

Emmett: Paralyzer by FInger Eleven is mine.

Jasper: Soulja Boi by Soulja Boy is mine.

(DId he really just say that! My poor little rebel soldier.)

Bella: You do know what that song really about!

Jasper: ABout a Soldier.

(Emmett whispered in Jasper ear what it really was and it looked like he actually was blushing! HOw is that possible!)

Jasper: Never mind I don't have a theme song.

Bella: Bob the Builder or Handy Mandy?

Edward: Huh?

Bella: We're playing choose!

Emmett: Handy Mandy, the newer the better!

Jasper: No Bob the Builder is a classic plus it has bigger equitment in it!

Edward: Bella, Taylor Launtner or Robert Pattinson?

Bella: Easy! Taylor Lautner!

Emmett: Cause she likes 'em easy.

(Did he really just say that! Oh man! Edward is going to kill him!)

Bella: I mean have you seen his abs!

Me: I know! Gosh they're yummy...... Not as yummy as Jazzie tough.

(Shoot! I speak too much!)

Jasper: SHoot me deaad right now why don't you!

Edward: Bella, so naive, Bella

(Has he not heard how she speaks!)

Bella: Edward, poor virgin, Edward. I'd love to stay but I don't have time to talk about the national debat! ;-)

Emmett: Burn Boy! Really Eddie, she's ain't going to wait forever!

Me: True that! Plus, you'll have to turn her into one of us soon......

Rosalie and Eddie: NO!

Bella: Did Eddie just agree wit the prostitute?

Me: Yeps!

Bella: Pretty colors! Blonde may be beautiful but Burnettes have beauty, brains, and butt!

Rosalie: DOn't make fun of my smallish hiney!

Emmett: It's okay no bady's perfect Rosalie! Hannah Montana told me so!

Rosalie: Well, I am so go suck balls!

(She did not just say that! Oh my Jasper!)

Edward: To late, I already walked in on him and Jasper.

(On no he didn't!)

Edward: Oh yes I did!

Bella: Eddie sounds like London Tipton!

Me: I know right!

Bella: NO, I won't do that in a closet with you ALICE! I DON"T ROLL THAT WAY!

Edward: At least she picks me over someone!

Bella: Bob made fun of Twilight. Bob is not with us anymore!

Emmett: Is he in Canada or Mexico?

Jasper: He made fun of Twilight so Mexico duh! (Not to offend anyone that lives in Mexico! Or has lived before)

Bella: I push Billy down hill that end in sharp rock for recreational purposes!

Me: Ooooo fun can I push Jacob next!

Jacob: No! I don't even have a wheel chair!

Rosalie: Come over here and I'll put you in one.

Jacob: -dog whine-

Edward: Now he goes running away with his tail between his legs.

Jacob: Go to he11!

Edward: See you there.

Bella: You are never allowed near matches again!

Jasper: Yeah cause he's suicidal!

Emmett: Yeps! Now lets play fairy princess!

(That's freaky!)

Edward: You're telling me!

Me: I kinda was so go suck your balls!

Bella: Is that even possible?

Me: No cause he doesn't have any!

Jasper: Burn!

Jacob: Bella, will you dumb the ice block and go out with me?

Bella: I prefer dating a guy with a dick so no!

Jacob: Rude!

Bella: I will cut you!

Jacob: You already a have!

Bella: Emmett? Where is your vampire teeth baseball bat?

Jacob: What?

(Edward is hitting Jacob with it for Bella and appearently it's making very deep bruises and cuts.)

Edward: That was fun! Let's do it again!

Emmett: That's what she said!

Jasper: And then some!

( I hit Jasper in the head at the same time Rose hit Emmett)

Bella: Whipped!

( I nodded and dragged Jasper out! He's running around the state 100 times! Then we're going to go shopping after Bella wakes up!)

Me: Come on Jasper only 99 more times!

**Me: Hope you liked! I made it longer than my most of my more recent chapters.**

**Jasper: WTF ever.**

**Esme: Language!**

**Jasper: Sorry Mommy!**

**Me: Anywho, I'm trying to get 100 reviews before Chapter 20, so tell your friends! Come on you don't even have to be a Twihard to enjot this!**

**Emmett: You just have to have no sense of humor or a dry one.**

**Me: Hey it's funny!**

**Edward: They only say that cause they're laughing at you not with you!**

**Jasper: Anyways, Read, Review Recycle! Did I forget to say that last Chapter? Huh. ANyway**

**Cullens, Pack, Bella, Me: See ya Next time!**


	19. Waking Up, Planning Revenge

**HDCullen: I do not own anything.**

**Jasper: Why so sad?**

**Alice: Jasper, this is the final chapter!**

**Edward: So she's thinking about a sequel.**

**Emmett: And she got 101 reviews!!!!!**

**HDCullen: Thank you so much. Hope you like the final chapter. Not even 20 chapters but I felt the need to not drag it out too much.**

**Edward: Congratulations again PeruvianBella for guessing correct. Jasper is the wizard.**

Edward's P.O.V.

(Why did I have to go outside?! Now my stalker has found me. Stupid fan girls! NO!)

PeruvianBella: I LOVE YOU, EDWARD!

(I slammed the door and ran up to my Bella.)

Bella: I say wizard rule the world!

Emmett: General Wizard what are your commands.

Jasper: I don't know ask Larry. He is your leader!

(Larry, weird)

Bella: Hi Bob my name is Bob, have you met Bob? And this is his sister-

Me: Let me guess Bob?

Bella: No, Alice……. Are you feeling okay Bob?

Me: No you're acting like a bitch to me tonight!

Jasper: Oooo look Bob it's shiny!

Bella: YAY JOE SHINY!

(I am so annoyed right now!)

Emmett: Bella really is a bitch at times.

**Bella's P.O.V. :-D :**

(Emmett and Edward are so going to get it when I "wake up" )

Alice: Honestly she's pretty ugly too,

Bella: Better than being butt fucking ugly!

(Keep your cool Bella. You don't want them to know you're wake. Jasper really isn't helping either!)

Me: I LOVE YOUTUBE!

Jasper: I love you too.

Me: Youtube!

Alice: Grr where is my tranquilizer gun when I need it!

Jasper: hrm I believe hrm Emmett hrm had it hrm last hrm!

Emmett : NO I DIDN'T

Rosalie: Dude, like OMG why would you like dude need like a dude like tranquilizer like dude gun dude?

Edward: I don't like know like dude.

(For the love of Pete help me!)

Me: Going to the candy shop

Jasper: How many boyfriends do you got?

Me: 1,2,3,4,5

Jasper: Do you lick their lollipops?

Me: yes, no, yes , no ,yes , no

Alice: How many babies do you got?

Emmett: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Me: You their daddies know

Emmett: That you're a hoe

Rosalie : yes, yes, no, no, yes , yes, no

(I love this jump rope rhyme. It too funny.)

Emmett: Chuck Norris can roast beef and pee soup.

Jasper: OME! EDWARD CULLEN DAZZLED ME!

Alice: My husband is officially gay.

Me: No, Edward is the only gay one here!

Jacob: Yet you still choose him

Me: Duh, don't blame me!

Alice: Blame Stephanie Meyers!

(Yeah right, it's not like we wouldn't exist without her. Would we?)

Jasper: -holds up "laugh" sign-

(Don't ask how I knew that with my eyes shut.)

Edward : I love me, You love me, together we can stare at me, One gold statue, and a me embroider tissues, Won't you say you love me too. OR I'll kill you.

(Who knew Edward knew Barney. Who knew I knew Barney.)

Me: I'm not afraid of you Edward,

Edward: You should be.

Me: Of you raping me maybe!

Edward: It's not rape cause you'd like it!

Me: Well you're momma ugly!

Esme: Well excuse me, you stupid bitchy son fucking whore.

Alice: ESME! Esme cursed!

Jasper: Wow, it's the apocalypse!

(Emse, sweet little Esme. NO!)

Me: I blame Emmett.

Emmett: Cause I make them good girls go bad. I make them good girls go bad.

Rosalie: You are so sleeping in the dog house.

Emmett: I don't sleep bitch!

Alice: Oooooo……

( I heard thunder. Or I bet Rose's fist to Emmett's jaw.)

Edward: I think Bella may be cheating on me.

Jacob: With that body, I wouldn't doubt it.

Alice: She is such a slut.

Emmett: I know, I heard she did a strip tease in the boys' locker room.

Rosalie: I heard she had a quickie with Tyler in the janitor's closet.

(What the fuck! Come one Jasper help me here!)

Jasper: Bella wouldn't do that!

Alice: Well, do you know what secret she been keeping lately!

(They think I'm a whore, nice.)

Edward: I hear what those boys think. She could easily have any of them.

Jasper: Trust me it's nothing like that!

Emmett: She's been with Jasper!

Jasper: NO!

Carlisle: I am going to go see if she's HIV positive. I bet she is.

Alice: She hooked up with Newton.

(What!)

Me: WHAT THE FUCK! EWW! NEWTON IS NASTY! DO YOU ALWAYS TALK ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK!

( Oops looks like my cover is blown. Crap now they know I'm awake. Just had to yell at them didn't you Bella.)

Alice: You were awake!

Me: Nah dur!

Edward: Bella, honey I didn't mean anything I said.

Jasper: I knew you couldn't make it through the night!

Me: Sorry, but you didn't exactly help Jazz!

Emmett: You knew!

Jasper: Did you think she was alone in all this?

Me: We got you!

(I am so glad. I finally got them.)

Alice : Good prank but you know what this means right?

(Oh fuck!)

Edward: Revenge.

**HDCullen: There you have it! The set up for the sequel. I am thinking the title along the lines of "Edward's Revenge" or "Edward's Actions" something like that.**

**Jasper: I hope they liked this.**

**Alice: Since it's all over. And the sequel won't be up for a few months.**

**HDCullen: Thank you all that read my story and to those who reviewed. You guys are what got me through and I'm going to take a little R&R and maybe update my other stories soon.**

**All: There you have it, then End to Bella's Thoughts.**

**Jasper: One last time?**

**HD: Okay.**

**Jasper: Read, Review, Recycle! :- D**


	20. AN: American Idol

**Hey! Everyone! It's just me! I'm going to ask a huge favor especially if you're an American, go to www (dot) americanidol (dot) com and go vote for Scotty McCreery! If you do this huge favor for me, I'll love you forever! It doesn't cost anything and he's an amazing singer! Help him get his start! Most of us are looking for a break in something, give him his!**


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